Pooler Jones, an at-large member of Kenny La Roche is just in from the coast and is chuckling over the headline and accompanying pic in the Leelanau Enterprise of two electrocuted eagles, still locked in mortal combat, their dead bodies held up to the camera by our intrepid, concerned looking Conservation Officer of the DNR.

“Someone’s been to Fairbanks,” says Pooler. "They got a real bald eagle problem up there. There’s hardly a puppy alive. You let your little Buddy out in your own fenced in yard, go in for a cold beer and by the time you return the eagles have got him.”

“The locals took to shooting the bastards but the DNR gave them endless shit about it until they devised a not easily detectable sudden death eagle trap. Quite simple really: you stake down a dead puppy (an unborn baby lamb or fetal pig will do as well) under a power line. The eagles fight over the dead puppy and eight times out of ten they forget about the power line and 7500 volts light ‘em up like mosquitoes in a bug zapper!”

“You condone the 7500 volt bug zapping of eagles, Pooler?!” I say.

“I’m an American god damn it, a citizen! I love puppies! Excuse me if I don’t worship eagles!”

Then he starts ranting on about real men, Nietzsche and the freedom to do what is necessary: “ A real person, a whole person gives their nature a style, molds it, brings it under a law, becomes a master of their wildness, knows both how to speak and how to keep silent," He screams. "In short, they are whole, lawgiver and subject in one; they need no laws from without—indeed laws are crude, unfine, compared with the intimate character of their self control!”

“Ah. …. Well told Pooler. All I can say is I love puppies too.”